Well............

So I'm here checking on my blog that I've neglected these past months.

Happy New Year!

As of July '08 I've moved from Richmond Hill to Mississauga and my whole life has changed.
My two oldest children are both attending Guelph University and my youngest is completing Grade 12 at Toronto District Christian High. She's considering attending Western University next year in London.

I've busily involved myself in singles ministry at my old church - The Olive Branch Community Church in Markham which has been satisfying to me. As of August I've been attending Churchill Meadows Christian Church here in Mississauga and I've enjoyed that as well and have met some wonderful people there.

I started dating a bit more in the past year and I have to say it is wonderful to feel in love again.

I've learned alot over the past year about God. My relationship with Him seems to be an endless quest and there's always more to learn or know. It is true what they say that the more you spend time with Him, the more you know Him.

In October 2008 I went to a 3 days Silent Retreat at the Loyola House in Guelph with the Jesuit Priests. It was a wonderful experience to spend time alone, with only the Bible and books as well as God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
I learned anew how much God truly loves me.

I am looking forward to this new year - 2009 - and see what God has in store for me.

I wish all those who read this a blessed 2009!

Keep Looking UP
Jacquie

Back in the saddle again..

It's been a long, long time.
Time I've needed to recoup, to reflect.

I want to share this poem with you that I learned about November 2007. I think it played a part in my journey; one that is far from completion, but this poem made me stop to reflect.

Snow Angel by Tom Carson

Christmas morning, I’m walking alone
And everything’s perfect the snows coming down
I can hear the breath of God in my ear
He whispers a secret- oh I wish I could speak the language of stars
Wish I knew what He says

Just off of the porch of my childhood home wind kisses my cheek but I’m warm inside a jacket and sweaters and shirts that I borrowed from my own old dresser drawers in the closet in the room that still belongs to a teenage son that left years ago.

Snowflakes fall like memories and hopes each of them different but all just the same.
I stick out my tongue to taste them all they melt like Communion bread placed in my mouth. By a priest leaning over the alter rail this must be Eucharist, this must be peace

I’m a child again, I’m free, I’m a man with a family. I’m my wife sleeping next to me on a bed that we bought, on a bed we could finally afford.
I’m my mother growing older and smaller and finer
Growing sweet and edgy and soft
I’m my father forgetting where I put my name
On a shelf, in a drawer, tucked in a book on the floor
I’m my sister laughing and pulling cheeks
Of nieces and nephews, like she did to me
I’m my brother swinging his kids in his arms
He’s the father he wishes he had
I’m my son, my child, as a baby lying naked in blankets in Sunday morning sun
I’m all of us now, I’m Christmas morning
And everything’s perfect, the snow is coming down

Flailing, failing, falling, fallen, fluttering, flying now,
I lie on my back like man in a coffin
Looking up into nothing, or everything falling

Then I spread my arms with my palms open wide
And I wave like a man drowning
With one last beautiful breath
Or maybe like a four year old actor on stage
It’s me; it’s me, look at me! I’m here, it’s me! ・
(Jesus, I wonder if God can see through all this flurry
Coming down around me)

Does He see me calling out for help?
For a future I can’t picture, or won’t, out of fear?
Does he see me waving so he’ll wave back,
Just give one divine sign that I’m holy somehow
Or does he see the shape of the angel I’m making here
On the snowy front lawn of my family home
Like I did as a kid years ago?

I didn't make a snow angel this past winter.

I should have; but I didn't.

Perhaps this winter?

Mia Familia

This picture was taken on a cruise we took in January 2007 and these are my kids.

Don't want to write.

Lately I've not felt led to write.
I know that everyone goes through hills and valleys within their lives and I feel that I have been in the valley .

I know the hill is up there, but do I want to climb it?
Life is complicated and I am looking for ways to simplify it.
But it doesn't seem to want to go that route, no matter how hard I try.

So,
For now, I am stuck.

The Bible has this great verse that somewhat encompases my feeling.
It's God warning to the angel of the church in Laodicea in Revelations 3:15, 16

"I know everything you have done, and you are not cold or hot. I wish you were either one or the other. But since you are lukewarm and neither cold nor hot, I will spit you out of my mouth."

That is what I feel.
I'm neither hot or cold in life
I feel lukewarm.
I'm neither here or there.
I would like to be hot.
And I dont want to be spit out.

I feel I am on hold.
Not in my relationship with Christ, but in my relationships in life.

Holding,
Waiting,
To find a path.
To climb that hill and see the sunshine again.

Looking UP
Jacquie

Ever wonder?

Ever wonder?

John Wilson died last week.
He was 48.
I didn’t know him on a personal level, but what I do know is…

He died after struggling 15 years with diabetes, which left him blind with several limps amputated and his daily routine consisted of being on a dialysis machine for 6 hours a day.

This past August, Brent Barrett, a seemingly healthy man in his mid 50's who jogged most days had a massive heart attack right after playing in a hockey game that left him in a comma with damages to most major organs including the center of his cortex since then.
Last week they pulled him off all life support and he will probably not live past this weekend.

Really, he died last August.

Those are just a couple, there are many more.
A 40 year old principal dead of a massive heart attack.
A 42 hockey coach dead of a brain aneurysm.
A 36 year old mother, dead of a blood clog – 2 small children left.
The young couple that died in a car crash, leaving a 5 year old daughter.
Never mind those who take their own young lives, or all the accident and cancer victims.

When I was 20something, I thought “well, these are older people, they’ve lived their lives”. But now at this age I am forced to look at my own life and ask;

“Why me?”
Why has God given me a healthy body, even though I’ve abused it at times?
Why has God allowed me to live to today at 49?

I complain because I didn't sleep well.
I complain because I need glasses in order to read the print on my vitamin jar.
I complain because my body aches at times.
I complain about all the work I have to do and/or the things that need to be done.
I complain about not having someone to love in my life.

Quite frankly within myself I complain about too many things!

Why is it not in my nature to be automatically thankful?
Why can’t I say?

Thank you God for another day!
Thank you God that I have glasses that allow me to see the print on my vitamin jar!
Thank you God I can feel my body and I can walk and workout!
Thank you God that I am capable of doing the housework and that I am needed!
Thank you God that You are in charge of every part of my life and You know best!

Lord help me to put things into perspective!
YOUR PERSPECTIVE!

Certainly God must have a purpose!
He allowed me to live today for a reason.
There is something that He wants me to do, to learn or discover today, tomorrow or next year.

There has to be a reason!
It’s not like He forgot to take me to my eternal home,
NO, there is a reason.
He must want to use me!

Dear Heavenly Father,
Use me.
Use this body, these eyes, and this heart for Your glory.
Guide me this day to desire to be closer to You.
And to be who You want me to be.
Amen.

Phil. 1:6 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

Note: Brent died Oct. 21/06

Ever wonder if you are loved?

Father's Love Letter

My Child…You may not know me, but I know everything about you

…Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up

…Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways

…Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered

…Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image

…Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being

…Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring

…Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived

…Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation

…Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book

…Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live

...Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made

…Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb

…Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born

…Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me

…John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love

…1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you

…1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your Father

…1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could

…Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father

…Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand

…James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs

…Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope

…Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love

…Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore

...Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with

…Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you

…Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession

…Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul

…Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things

…Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me …

Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart

…Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires

…Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine

…Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourage

…2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles…

...2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you

…Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart

…Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes

…Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth

…Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus

…John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed

…John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being

…Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you

…Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins

…2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled

…2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you

…1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love

…Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me

…1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again

…Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen

…Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be Father

…Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…Will you be my child

...John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you

...Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad. Almighty God

Destined to be Holy

. . it is written, ’Be holy, for I am holy’ —1 Peter 1:16

We must continually remind ourselves of the purpose of life. We are not destined to happiness, nor to health, but to holiness. Today we have far too many desires and interests, and our lives are being consumed and wasted by them. Many of them may be right, noble, and good, and may later be fulfilled, but in the meantime God must cause their importance to us to decrease. The only thing that truly matters is whether a person will accept the God who will make him holy. At all costs, a person must have the right relationship with God.

Do I believe I need to be holy? Do I believe that God can come into me and make me holy? If through your preaching you convince me that I am unholy, I then resent your preaching. The preaching of the gospel awakens an intense resentment because it is designed to reveal my unholiness, but it also awakens an intense yearning and desire within me. God has only one intended destiny for mankind— holiness. His only goal is to produce saints. God is not some eternal blessing-machine for people to use, and He did not come to save us out of pity— He came to save us because He created us to be holy. Atonement through the Cross of Christ means that God can put me back into perfect oneness with Himself through the death of Jesus Christ, without a trace of anything coming between us any longer.

Never tolerate, because of sympathy for yourself or for others, any practice that is not in keeping with a holy God. Holiness means absolute purity of your walk before God, the words coming from your mouth, and every thought in your mind— placing every detail of your life under the scrutiny of God Himself. Holiness is not simply what God gives me, but what God has given me that is being exhibited in my life.

It never ceases to amaze me how someone who lived from 1874-1917 could write something so profound and relevant to my life today. The Bible is exactly like that.

Oswald Chambers (1874-1917) was born July 24, 1874, in Aberdeen, Scotland. Converted in his teen years under the ministry of Charles Haddon Spurgeon, he studied art and archaeology at the University of Edinburgh before answering a call from God to the Christian ministry. He then studied theology at Dunoon College. From 1906-1910 he conducted an itinerant Bible-teaching ministry in the United States, the United Kingdom, and Japan.

In 1910, Chambers married Gertrude Hobbs. They had one daughter, Kathleen.

In 1911 he founded and became principal of the Bible Training College in Clapham, London, where he lectured until the school was closed in 1915 because of World War I. In October 1915 he sailed for Zeitoun, Egypt (near Cairo), where he ministered to troops from Australia and New Zealand as a YMCA chaplain. He died there November 15, 1917, following surgery for a ruptured appendix.

Although Oswald Chambers wrote only one book, Baffled to Fight Better, more than thirty titles bear his name. With this one exception, published works were compiled by Mrs. Chambers, a court stenographer, from her verbatim shorthand notes of his messages taken during their seven years of marriage. For half a century following her husband's death she labored to give his words to the world.

My Utmost For His Highest, his best-known book, has been continuously in print in the United States since 1935 and remains in the top ten titles of the religious book bestseller list with millions of copies in print. It has become a Christian classic.